[] [am]/[are] crying drily like a baby and [] hate it. There are no restrictions. But [] always know there are restrictions because [] brain is an asshole. There is flat bubbling frustration all over [] body. All beneath [] skin. Coming down and from inside out at once.
[] want happy and [] don’t have it and [] don’t know what it is or why [] want it or if [] should want it. [] hate [] stupid long sentences that try to be a certain way that certain other [writers]/[creators] smarter and more sensitive than [] can pull off. Than [] [am]/[are] can pull off. Shut up.
[] [am]/[are] falling into []sel[-f]/[-ves] and for a moment [] smile, say forget this, and be happy. Stop worrying. Don’t figure it out. And [] feel [] brain lighten with particles pulling up and away from it. Then [] scowl again.
There is quiet when [] want loud. There is calm. [] have shut off [] thinking brain and now [] [am]/[are] in silence. [] [am]/[are] unfamiliar with this. At first was peace, relief. Now there is clawing from beneath the dirt like [] 've killed and buried [] self prematurely.
Perhaps [] did. But it wasn’t premature. It wasn’t ultimate. Death is never ultimate, is it? Shut up. [] don’t care. [] had to shut and bury [] old fucker of a self, the sad, analytical, over-thinking coward. [] have to claw [] way out from [] own self-dug and self-filled grave. [] have to fight it out to become alive again, as [] want, so [] won’t be so goddamn frustrated.
[] have to use [] being. [] know that this feeling is coming from the strain and shame of life-waste. [] [am]/[are] so good with so much potential--festering.
[] want to walk distances. [] want to use the range of [] body and mind and find new distances beyond that range. [] want to talk to people and gain access to [] ultimate consciousnesses, and slowly give [] access to [ []. Whatever that means, [] don’t care right now. [] want to debate lively-like and dance around with []. [] want to play. [] want intelligence and sensitive creations.
[] want anger. [] need passion sometimes.
[] [am]/[are] meant for these things like [] all are in some way or another, and [] will get them happening.
To happen. Everything is always doing it, happening. [] resist it.
It must be that [] join it. [] have to join the happening, and be happening.
][ happen.][ happen ][].
[] happen always. [] [am]/[are] an event. [] [am]/[are] event after event but there are no marks of starts and stops for the events. [] just happen.
[] just happen.
SHHHH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!
WHAT STOPS [] ????
Nothing stops [].
Nothing stops
us or me or you.
Make no fun of
Make all fun with
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